Ask Alison-

“To know yourself as the being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and the joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.” Eckart Tolle

Q. “I am feeling harassed and exhausted, chasing my tail and as if I am not getting anywhere with my business. What do I need to do?”

A. If you were to strip down to the essence of what it takes to be a successful business owner, or even someone who is just successful in life, they will probably have the following things in common-

Clarity of mind | Direction | Wisdom | Connection | Resilience

The results of the above are less stress, and more peace of mind, better working relationships and more harmony, achieving more on a daily basis and performing better, becoming naturally motivated, healthier and more energetic and a natural falling away of stress, anxiety and self-imposed limitations without needing to actively do anything. Sounds good eh?

Well, the good news is, that is what we ALL are without exception when we have less on our minds.

The opposite of this is poor productivity, worry, burnout, dissatisfaction, frustration, resentment, STRESS…. shall I go on? And an experience of these feelings can lead to illness, depression, and in some cases divorce and business failure.

So, how do we get more of the first scenario and less of the second?

Firstly, we need to see through a misunderstanding that most of us have been encouraged to believe in, but when seen differently, changes everything.

This might feel like a bit of a stretch, because it goes against everything you have probably thought to be true up until now, but bear with.

Ready for the big reveal?-

Life, circumstances, our staff, our bank balance, our customers (or lack of), our relationships, do not create our feelings, we do.

Life happens. Life is a constant stream of information that passes in front of our eyes that we apply a meaning to, from our personal mind. The meaning that we apply will depend on our “perception” of events, not on the events themselves-  and our perception of events are created by our up to date biases, which can change day by day; depending on how we are thinking that day will determine how we are seeing life or our business, and the thoughts we believe in, and think are true and therefore the  feelings that follow that.

Have you noticed that what looked like the best thing ever one day, can look like the worst the next day without the “thing” having changed. How we are seeing it has changed and therefore how we experience it changes. The experience doesn’t come from the “thing” it comes from our mental activity.

We are never actually seeing or experiencing what is happening, we are seeing our version of life through our filters. We are never experiencing other people we are experiencing what we think about other people. All our definitions of the personal self and what we think of the world, is projected out through our eyes, via brain activity and life gets coloured, deleted and distorted.

This is how life works. We are experiencing an inside world projected outside of us. We are not experiencing circumstances as they actually are, we are experiencing them as we think they are. Life is not out to get us, but we can be out to get ourselves via what we choose to focus on.

So…. what does all that actually mean on a practical level?

It’s really very simple.

The only thing we are ever experiencing is thought in the moment, 100% of the time.

Who would you be without the thoughts?

When you are feeling harassed it means you having that experience because you have harassed thinking going on. Have that flavour of thinking for enough days and it leads to an experience of exhaustion. Feel exhausted for enough days and your productivity levels will drop and you will then have thoughts telling you that you are not getting anywhere, and that is how it will feel. Feeling follows thought. And you are not the thoughts, you are the one having the thoughts.

And suppose the thoughts you had in the first place about feeling harassed were just because you were in a low mood that day, and so on that day you were creating a picture of a life that looked harassing.

Suppose the thoughts you took seriously that day really had no fixed truth in them but from a low energy perspective they looked true and got your attention.

And suppose feeling harassed actually had nothing whatsoever to do with what was going on in life but everything to do with what was going on in your head.

And…also when we have all that thinking going on, we have lost access to clarity, direction, wisdom, connection, and most of all our resilience.

AND, what if any feeling of stress that you have were not coming from events at all, and those stressful thoughts knew nothing about who you are as a person or what you are capable of doing? What would that free you up to do or be?

I know it can really look like it is the outside world making us feel bad but really, could it be that if you looked from another perspective and had some fresh new thinking about it, you would create what you are seeing differently? Is what you are believing in a fixed truth or if you were looking at it with clarity and less on your mind would you see more solutions and opportunities? Can you find the gift within what once looked harassing? And if you knew that all you were experiencing in any given moment was thought, would there be anything to do about the external circumstances?

Asking yourself questions like these leads to a new perspective, new thoughts, new feelings and a new experience. Of the same circumstances.

And offers fresh insight, and a “change in circumstances” without you needing to do anything!

Happy days

If that has brought up any more questions, send them through, or if you would like to talk about any unhelpful thinking you have going on please get in touch with me, Alison – alisonclarke@actioncoach.com or come over for a coffee and a chat here in Frome, 01373 801234